- Sexual intimacy is a fundamental part of a romantic relationship, yet certain beliefs surround it
- Many of these common beliefs about intimacy are actually myths that create pressure and insecurity
- TheRadar has gathered 13 myths that every couple should stop believing
Intimacy is one of the most talked-about yet misunderstood aspects of relationships.
From movies to social media and even well-meaning advice from friends, we’re constantly bombarded with messages about what intimacy should be like.
Unfortunately, many of these ideas are myths and misconceptions that can create unnecessary pressure, unrealistic expectations, and even dissatisfaction in the bedroom.
Believing these myths can lead to frustration, insecurity, and misunderstandings between partners.
The truth is, there’s no single right way to experience intimacy, and what works for one couple might not work for another.
It’s time to separate fact from fiction and debunk some of the most common intimacy myths that could be holding you and your partner back from a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Here are 13 myths about lovemaking that every couple should stop believing
13 common myths about lovemaking
1. Good intimacy should always be spontaneous
- The myth: Many people believe that passionate, satisfying intimacy only happens spontaneously, like in movies where couples suddenly get caught up in a wave of desire.
- The truth: While spontaneous encounters can be exciting, relying on them alone can create problems, especially in long-term relationships.
Real-life responsibilities like work, kids, and stress can make spontaneous intimacy rare.
Planning intimate moments doesn’t make it any less enjoyable; in fact, anticipation can enhance desire and excitement.
2. Men always want it and women rarely do
- The myth: Men are always in the mood while women need convincing.
- The truth: Desire varies from person to person, regardless of gender. Some women have high libidos, while some men may experience low desire due to stress, health issues, or emotional concerns.
This myth can pressure men into feeling inadequate if they’re not always interested and make women feel guilty for expressing desire.
3. Long sessions mean better satisfaction
- The myth: A common belief is that the longer intimacy lasts, the more satisfying it will be.
- The truth: Quality matters more than quantity. Studies suggest that the average duration of physical intimacy is between 5 and 10 minutes, excluding foreplay.
Satisfaction comes from emotional connection, pleasure, and communication, not necessarily how long the act lasts.
4. Intimacy must always end in climax
- The myth: If it doesn’t end in orgasm, it is unsuccessful.
- The truth: While orgasms can be pleasurable, they aren’t the only measure of satisfaction.
Intimacy, connection, and pleasure are just as important. Putting too much emphasis on orgasm can lead to performance anxiety and unnecessary pressure.
5. Foreplay isn’t as important as penetration
- The myth: Many couples think foreplay is just a warm-up and that penetration is the main event.
- The truth: Foreplay plays a crucial role in sexual satisfaction, especially for women, as it helps with arousal and lubrication.
Skipping it can lead to discomfort or dissatisfaction. In reality, foreplay including kissing, touching, and fellatio, can be just as enjoyable as penetration.
6. Discomfort for women is normal
- The myth: Some women believe pain during intimacy is something they must endure, while some men think it’s natural for their partners to feel discomfort.
- The truth: Intimacy should never be painful. If it is, there could be underlying issues like insufficient arousal, lack of lubrication, infections, or conditions like vaginismus.
Open communication, using lubricants, and seeking medical help when needed can make intimacy a comfortable and pleasurable experience.
7. Adult films show what real intimacy looks like
- The myth: Many people believe that what they see in pornographic content is an accurate representation of real-life experiences.
- The truth: Porn is entertainment, not reality. It often exaggerates body image, endurance, and sexual performance.
Comparing real-life intimacy to porn can create unrealistic expectations, leading to dissatisfaction and insecurity.
8. Couples who truly love each other always have a great intimacy
- The myth: Some people assume that if a couple is deeply in love, their bedroom activities will always be amazing.
- The truth: Love and intimacy are connected, but that doesn’t mean every encounter will be perfect.
External factors like stress, health issues, and emotional well-being can affect a couple’s intimacy.
What matters most is communication and a willingness to adapt to each other’s needs.
9. Talking about it kills the romance
- The myth: Some believe that openly discussing intimacy with a partner ruins the spontaneity and mystery.
- The truth: Honest conversations about likes, dislikes, boundaries, and fantasies improve sexual satisfaction.
Couples who communicate openly tend to have healthier and more fulfilling relationships in and out of the bedroom.
10. More intimacy means a happier relationship
- The myth: There’s a widespread belief that the more often a couple is intimate, the stronger their relationship will be.
- The truth: While intimacy is important, emotional connection, trust, and compatibility are the real foundations of a happy relationship.
A couple’s ideal frequency varies, and quality matters more than quantity.
11. Intimacy is better in the morning than at night
- The myth: Intimacy is always more pleasurable in the morning because testosterone levels are higher.
- The truth: The best time varies by individual preference. Some people feel energised in the morning, while others enjoy unwinding at night or during the day.
There’s no universal "better" time.
12. Size determines sexual satisfaction
- The myth: Bigger size leads to better pleasure.
- The truth: Sexual satisfaction is about technique, connection, and communication, not size.
Many factors contribute to pleasure, including emotional bonding and understanding a partner’s needs.
13. Intimacy should always be perfect
- The myth: Every sexual encounter should be like a movie, flawless, passionate, and intense.
- The truth: Sexual intercourse can be awkward, funny, or even imperfect at times.
What matters is enjoying the moment, being comfortable with each other, and not stressing about minor mishaps.
Intimacy is a personal and unique experience for every couple.
Letting go of myths and embracing a realistic, open-minded approach to intimacy can lead to a healthier and more satisfying relationship.
Instead of comparing your relationship to unrealistic standards, focus on communication, pleasure, and mutual understanding.
What other myths have you encountered? Share your thoughts in the comments!
8 tips to maintain sexual chemistry in long-term relationships
Meanwhile, TheRadar earlier compiled some practical steps couples can take to rekindle their sexual chemistry, even amidst the challenges of everyday life.
The tips to rekindle sexual chemistry in long-term relationships include opening up communication, making time for each other, setting the mood, physical touch, exploring different experiences and others.